Agnus Dei

1.
My origins cite a plethora of Gods, demi –gods
traditions wrapped in cultures moored
in mornings that arrive
as a symphony of Aarti¹ bells and church bells
alongside the first Namaz² of the day.
To which God do I offer the early prayer?

My stomach is growling in hunger, I am hung -over
deprived of the caffeine that lies languishing
on the table, letting off steam
into vaporous silences
… there are other Gods to be appeased.
Proximity is a dictator –
They dictate. I don’t.
In servitude lies my first unspoken prayer.

First Bhog³ then bhojan⁴
The Gods are fed, the Lords are fed.
When is my turn, in this pecking order?

Oh Kali, Oh Shakti, Oh Divine Mother
To whom do I offer my hungered prayer?

2.
Chants fill the courtyard. Chants fill the street.
Still early in the morning still the hungry Gods
“Maha papaharam devam”⁵,
a familiar voice prays in fervor, watching
watching me over, watching me all over
with a hungry eye.
My stomach is a tiger, ready to pounce.
No chants issue from these lips
no roars of protest . There is a need
in time and a place, for a refuge
I feel numbed, my shadow is silent
Oh, Surya⁶, Bhaghavan⁷,
who do I offer this mourning prayer?

3.
The first bell shatters birds into chirps
and in my land of many Gods, I let the Sun walk in
soft dawn of another light
the world of night still in repose
In darkness, I am the perpetual hunger
arms,legs, a roaring tiger, the wounded spider
I flutter, my creaking bones bent backwards
Feed my Soul, Mahadeva⁸.

1. Aarti : a form of worship in which a lighted lamp or camphor or incense is offered to one or
more deities.
2. Namaz : Muslim prayer
3. Bhog: usually food offered to the Gods
4. Bhojan : meal. breakfast lunch dinner
5. Maha Papa Haram Devam : God who absolves the worst of sins.
6. Surya : Sun
7. Bhagavan : venerated
8. Mahadeva : God of Gods

Pratima Balabhadrapathruni is a Home maker and many other small things. Sometimes she writes stuff. She lives in Singapore