We are a nation that worships stoic silence, especially in men. Grief is allowed only if it is poetic, passive, beautiful, or socially acceptable. Draupadi can weep in the court of kings. Sita can walk through fire. But Ashwatthama, when he breaks down and loses control after the death of his father, is cursed. Not with death. But with life. Eternal, raw, and unbearable.

He is not remembered as a man in mourning, but as a madman. A cautionary tale. A name spoken in whispers. But what if we’ve been looking at him wrong?

The Curse That Wasn’t a Punishment But a Pattern

Ashwatthama was one of the greatest warriors in the Mahabharata. Son of Dronacharya. Born with a gem in his forehead and deathlessness in his blood. But what broke him wasn’t the battlefield, it was the loss of his father, killed through deception by the very people who preached righteousness.

And so, in a moment of unbearable grief, he snaps. He kills in anger. Not for glory. Not for power. But in the heat of mourning. And for that he is cursed by Krishna to wander the earth for eternity, never healed, never loved, never accepted again.

A man not allowed to grieve becomes a man unfit to belong. Sound familiar?

The Ashwatthama Archetype: Today’s Man in Silent Pain

We think Ashwatthama is a myth. but he lives on. He is the father who never cried when his own father died. The teenager who never said he missed his mother. The husband who snapped one day after years of silent pressure. The boy taught that “real men don’t cry.” The man who laughed off pain until it swallowed him whole.

We do not allow men to grieve rather train them to suppress. We tell them their tears are weakness and their silence is strength. And then we wonder why they erupt, why they detach, why they break things or disappear emotionally. Ashwatthama is not an exception. He’s a prototype.

The Grief Gap: Who Gets to Mourn?

When Draupadi is humiliated, the epic pauses. Her grief is the nation’s grief. When Sita is abandoned, forests cry with her. But when Ashwatthama breaks, he is cursed, exiled, and erased. There’s no ritual for male grief in our mythology. There is only glory or disgrace.

Even Arjuna, who does cry when Krishna departs, is seen as an outlier. But Ashwatthama? He doesn’t weep quietly. He acts. He loses control. He lets grief become rage. And rage from a man in pain? That’s not sacred. That’s dangerous. So we curse him. And we curse men like him. Not with violence. But with invisibility.

Immortality Isn’t a Gift. It’s What Happens When Grief Has Nowhere to Go

In the epic, Ashwatthama is immortal. But what does that really mean? Perhaps immortality is just the metaphor for how unprocessed grief lingers. Forever. Across lifetimes. Across generations. Passed down from father to son. Sinking into their muscles. Lodging in their spines. Surfacing in addiction, aggression, apathy, or burnout.

When grief is silenced, it metastasizes. It doesn’t disappear but it calcifies. Ashwatthama lives in that space. The one between breakdown and healing. And many men today are stuck there too. Not because they are evil, but because they were never taught how to be human.

The Day I Saw Him Differently

When I first read Ashwatthama’s story as a child, I didn’t understand the curse. It seemed dramatic, distant, like something gods did to those who stepped out of line.

But years later, sitting across from a client—a man in his sixties who hadn’t cried since his mother died when he was nine––I saw the curse in real time. The tight jaw, the clenched hands, the hollow eyes holding decades of untouched mourning. That’s when I knew: Ashwatthama never died. He just stopped being seen.

Breaking the Curse: Rewriting the Myth, Rewriting the Man

What would have happened if Ashwatthama had been allowed to grieve?

If someone had held space for his tears? If the divine had said, “Yes, what happened to you was unfair. You are in pain. Let’s deal with that.”

Instead, they punished his mourning. They exiled his sadness. They made an example of his breakdown. This is not just our mythology. This is our parenting. Our schooling. Our friendships. Our therapy-averse culture. A culture in which our boys grow up believing that stoicism is survival.

But dissent begins when we rewrite the myth. When we say:

• Crying is not weakness.
• Rage is not always destruction, it’s grief in armou
• Men deserve rituals of mourning too.

Ashwatthama’s curse should have never been immortality. It should have been healing.

The Dissent We Need: Let Men Grieve Out Loud

It’s time we let go of the narrative that only women are emotional. That only women suffer openly. That vulnerability is feminine. Ashwatthama may be myth. But what he represents is very real: a cultural refusal to hold space for masculine grief.

We need more spaces where men can:

• Say “I’m not okay” without shame.
• Express pain without being labelled unstable or dangerous.
• Be held—not cursed—when they fall apart.

Because the ones who weren’t allowed to grieve? They don’t die. They just live on, silently, painfully, endlessly like Ashwatthama.

Written by Atinder Kaur
For the men who were never told it was okay to break down.