You were where the fennel seed was. Caught in my gums. Sharp and tricky, I curled my tongue into a knot over a thousand parts of one second Frustrated, I reached a finger in to pull you out and flicked you away.
What does a grandmother do to survive? Mine fed me thrice a day for twenty-five years—food, love, lies. While she was full with all her own swallowed refusal What is left of her now that I am gone? She still feeds—secrets, curses, leftovers To the crow outside the window.
I was the taut bends of live fish Flailing, stretching inside a perched cauldron Calling to be butchered. And draining out the siren songs from elsewhere was the fish-man’s call, A huge katla hung around his neck, dying. He was trying to sell me a lie.
Apabrita is a PhD researcher at Durham University. She works on South Asian women's writing and conflict studies. She has previously written and published poetry for writingwomen.co. She also works as a translator and is currently translating a volume of her mother's poetry. She now tries to take time out from her PhD to focus on writing poetry more often.