Excerpts from Yashodhara by Maithili Sharan Gupt

Sakhi, if only he had let me know

Enlightenment is why Swami went

It’s a thing of pride 

but I can’t abide

That he left under the guise of night. 

Sakhi if only he had let me know

I swear I wouldn’t have become his chain or woe. 

He decreed me of import

Yet my essence, did he not distort? 

Though I only made a note

Of what his heart brought forth.

Sakhi, if only he had let me know

Don’t we all, within a moment

Send our beloveds into battles nocent

Fiercely into the arms of death

In the name of Kshatra Dharm vows

Sakhi, if only he had let me know.

All is misfortune in my fate

My pride—futile—left in its wake

My kin has left me in this state

All I do is remember him more, 

Sakhi, if only he had let me know

My eyes do see all his apathy

Yet they keep tearing at this travesty

Oh, where were his heart and sympathy?

Oh, where did his pity go?

Sakhi, if only he had let me know. 

He can go and find his attainment

And not be bothered by this one’s pain

With what face can I complain, 

Even today, my love for him grows

Sakhi, if only he had let me know

He will come back the way he left

And bring something unique from his quest

I will receive him with tears bereft

With what sort of songs? Who knows?

Sakhi, if only he had let me know. 

～

swami –  A deferential term for husband. 

sakhi – A close female friend and confidante

Yashodhara 1

I.

Naath, where are you going?

This darkness is still all around

Ha! What have I gotten by waking,

I only lost the dream that I had found

II.

Sakhi, where did he go?

My left eyelid is flicking 

Oh, how should I believe this omen?

See, how fast my heart is beating. 

III.

Aali, that thing has happened, the one that I feared

I believed him to be a deep-forest dweller

Seeing him meditating, I asked him one day—

Kyon ji, shall I call you Pranvallabh or Swami hence?

Surprised, Aryaputra said with a sheepish laugh

“Why not Yogeshwar, when I am named for Gopeshwar?

Do not worry, if I think of someone else dear,

I will be an adulterer. I hold desires foremost. 

 Yashodhara 1

 VII.

Naath you, 

Leave, but you must return! Come back to me!

Naath you, 

Leaving behind us faultless ones, where will you flee?

Naath you, 

You will make this world your own, but not me!

Naath you,

Whatever you receive, will it also belong to me? 

VIII.

When the in-laws ask, 

what will I cite?

Ha! Wearing a proud mask, 

I’ll stay quiet, enduring this plight. 

IX. 

I came to this generous home 

  Without a veil,

Which tedious distance did you go

While hiding your face?

～

 ji – A referent to husband

swami –  A deferential term for husband. 

Aryaputra – Here it refers to Siddharth. Literally, the son of an Aryan. 

naath –  A deferential term for husband

Away, the hair on my head!

Away, the hair on my head!
Aali, have I reared black snakes, get me scissors, them I must shred
Lest they tangle here. The keeper of oath deserves resolved threads
I hope they don’t bite me; to my ankles they have spread their dread
I don’t want tight bindings of gold, diamonds and gems on my neck
Four bangles on each of my hands are sufficient in their stead
Wrapped in my tarnished rags also is my son Rahul abed
What is the use of kohl, cremes when I have this sacred ash to spread
I only need a drop of sindoor to adorn my forehead
All the worldly entanglements catch fire with that burning red.